i wish i had a chance.

sitting on my couch at home listening to rihanna. my baby has gone to Phuket.im alrdy missing him.i wont be able to hear his voice for 5 whole days.but i hope he'll have abso fun there. me?im just halfway dying.i cant believe i failed.did i mention i failed? sighs.im back home for the next five months.will only be starting my studies again in June. sucha long way to go.i hope i wont die by then. and and i had to take out my tongue piercing. its so sad.i miss him.i miss my hostel room.i miss my life. i wish i could go back to my life.i wish i didnt fail.now ive quit engineering. i feel like my heart has been taken out and stabbed a million times.thats how i feel. its like my whole life ended the moment i had to say goodbye. now all i do is tear,dream and wish that time would do me soem mercy and i could go back to my freedom. i knw im nt good enough.but it hurts knowing my life as i knw it is over.im stuck at home.i never knew turning 20 would be my life coming to an end.no more plans for my birthday.nothing.im just stuck at home praying so hard each day would pass faster that the other.im fed up im annoyed.I HAVE NOTHING TO DO. i WANT MY FREEDOM BACK.i wanna run away i wanna run from this.its hell. sometimes i loose faith and breakdown.if God exists why has my life turned into a complete mess.why??? and all i do is look at the pictures,the memories of how my life used to be and how my life is gonna be hell for the next 5 months. hope you ppl are having a better time than i am love, muffin